LOVE TO ME IS......

Love to Me Is...

Love to me is loving without limits 

Loving without conditions 

Giving with no expectations 

Avoiding temptation 

And still caring when you are full of frustration 

Love to me goes beyond sexual relations

It's being supportive of the others aspirations 

Being apart of their inspiration 

Asking questions before making accusations 

Love to me consists of compromise and collaboration 

My love will be supportive and motivating 

I want love that's a great listener and outstanding communicator 

With endless, open and varied conversation

Love to me is taking all of each other's thoughts, feelings, and concerns into consideration 

It's signing up to be a lover, a friend and not an investigator 

Love to me is looking into each other's eyes with admiration 

Taking vacations with no particular destination 

Talking through and surviving the good and bad situations 

Going half on future generations 

Love to me is full of patience 

It's when your heart still beats for that person even after all the complications 

All the reasons we loved on yesterday should still apply every day 

Love to me is respecting boundaries and knowing your limitations 

It's laughs, smiles and celebrations 

And although we may have problems, we both should be happy by the end of the day 

Because my love doesn't come with an expiration 

I want a love that doesn't experience fluctuation

The kind that continuously gives me a tingling sensation

And still respects me when we're in two different locations 

Love to me is about exploration 

Gratification 

And appreciation 

The love I want and the love I give 

I just want that love to be very authentication

And not a pigment of my imagination 

Love to me should experience elevation 

And when it comes to the mind body and soul, love will be our stimulation 

Because love to me is loving without limits 

Loving without conditions!

This poem comes from the second book that I am working on, stay tuned for more poems like this one. This is a book about love from a woman’s perspective. Just what we picture love should or would be like once we fall happily in love. These poems reveal the thoughts of our inner hopes and dreams for our relationships. Just think about it…what is love to you? What does love mean to you? What type of love do you wish to give and receive? What has love done to you and for you? This book will take you through the great, the good, the bad and the ugly when it comes to being in love.

I hope you all have enjoyed KLOUD blog this year and look forward to continue reading them as much as I look forward to writing them. Your love and support has been great and to my loyal readers, you are greatly appreciated. My KLOUD Blog will be back soon. Merry Christmas and Happy Happy Holidays. 

©2016. Kiara Giles. All Rights Reserved.

A Special Friendship

This is dedicated to you, the girls that encourages and inspires me. The girls that has always had my back. The girls who've shared my pain and cried with me. The ones that I laugh with and pray with me and for me. I dedicate this to the girls that never made me question their intentions or their loyalty. I dedicate this to my real friends, well...my sisters. They will always be family.

You are always there whenever I need you, our friendship has been loyal and true. I can always depend on you to come through.
Whenever I am in need I count on you because you always have my back, your love and kindness for me is always on track.
Whenever I am down your encouraging words picks me up and makes me smile, our friendship is strong enough to last awhile.
There's nothing in this world that I wouldn't do for you, because everything I have ever asked, you've tried your best to do.
I know sometimes we may disagree but that doesn't cause you to turn on me, we have had our share of laughs and tears but I greatly appreciate the friendship we've built over the years.
Most females are messy and will easily let you down, but with you that's never been a problem and you're always around.
We experienced some ups and downs but we were there for each other every step of the way, from graduations, baby showers, childbirth, and weddings, we've always showed us for one another's special day.
I haven't met many females quite as loving as you, you're the type of friend that turns my frown into a smile whenever I am feeling blue.
No others have a friendship that can compare, the love we share is rare and always remember that whenever you need me, I will always be there.

Song: Dionne Warwick "That's what friends are for!"

I Love You All Ladies! Thank you for being a friend!

PS...The full version of today's poem will be featured in my first book! Stay tuned...

©2016. Kiara Giles. All Rights Reserved.

No More...I Choose Me

🎤 Me by Tamia

Sometimes you have to let everything and everyone else go! Sometimes you have to choose you! Put an end to whatever doesn't make you happy! Love you, date you, choose you! Be a priority in your life!!!

No More

No more tears after tonight
No more trying to make things right
No more trying to put up a fight
For a man who doesn't even try to act right

What's the point in trying to hold on to hope
When I'm left alone in my thoughts and trying to cope
Because if I ask, "are you ready to settle down?" the answer is always nope

No more planning things and trying to date
No more trying to piece together our fate
Too bad we couldn't get right because at one point I thought you were my soul mate
But I'm done because I can recall the number of times you put in the effort or even tried and it's not even enough to calculate

What's the point of staying thinking that you will change
Because things are still very much the same
And the fact still remains
You're too old to still be playing these little boy games
I rather set this "situationship" on fire and watch it burn in flames

No more ignoring all the signs that are there
It's quite obvious that you don't care
You have shown exactly what it is you don't want and I'm very much aware
Even if I took awhile too admit it, I know we're going nowhere
I've decided to wake up from this nightmare
No more pain, no more of this twisted love affair!

AND I FINALLY SEE THAT LOVING YOU AND LOVING ME DOESN'T SEEM TO WORK AT ALL! SO......


I Choose Me

I am and will always be me, deep down inside I am somebody.
I will no longer compromise who I am, I vow to never let anyone or anything else bring me down.
I plan to make time to accomplish everything that I've set out to do even if I have to do it by myself, because I believe in me and it seems that my hopes and dreams are all I have left.
I love me for who I am and not for what I try to be, I appreciate others for who they are and not how they try to impress me.
I've learned that no one could love and care for me the way that I do; therefore, I don't apologize for leaving behind people and things that I've outgrew, because when it comes to myself, things and I need and want, I always come through.
I love myself pass all of my imperfections, I love the woman, the mom, the person I'm becoming when I look at my reflection.
I can honestly say that I am proud of how much I've matured and the things I've accomplished because you'll never full understand the things I've faced and the obstacles I've had to overcome; so, I want to strive to be genuinely happy regardless of my net income.
See I'm choosing me and to have all of the things that money can't buy, like happiness, good health, family, friends and dry eyes.
From this day forward I hope to never cry again over failed relationships and guys that hurt me, because I know for sure that I would never break my own heart and I'm choosing to love me unconditionally.
I realize that it's okay and I deserve to take time for me, on some days, a quiet space, a glass of wine, music, or a bubble bath are well needed.
So even if I dress up and put my make up on and have no place to be, I'm choosing to feel and look good for me.
As of now I choose to love me, to care for me, to date me and to take time out for me, I don't plan to be anyone else except for the person you see.
That doesn't mean that I love anybody else any less, I just love me more and I want to start to give myself what I feel is the best.
And what's best for me is to start living my life stress free, I can't make everybody happy, and no I'm not being inconsiderate or conceited, I'm just choosing Me!!!

©2016.Kiara Giles.All Rights Reserved.

All I Wanted

It's the simple things in life we tend to forget!!! It's the little things that money can't buy that means the most!

All I Ever Wanted...

I never wanted to feel like I had to beg for attention,

All I ever wanted was a guy to show genuine interest and affection.

Guess my love wasn't good enough,

All I ever wanted was for a guy to stick around when loving me got rough.

I never wanted to be this weak minded chick,

Having to ask for the things I felt I should've been getting,

All I ever wanted was to meet a guy who wasn't scared of one day settling down and committing.

Seems like the things I say go unnoticed and I get no response,

But it only bothers me because you don't see anything wrong with your nonchalance.

All I ever wanted was to not be ignored,

Listening is free so communication is something I know you can afford,

I rather you tell me to just leave you alone instead of distancing yourself when with me you got bored,

Leaving my most intimate thoughts unexplored,

All I ever wanted was to be appreciated, cherished and adored.

I didn't think I would have had to work so hard to get you to see me,

But I can no longer spend my time trying to beg and plead,

I shouldn't have to spell out all the things I feel, like we're competing in a spelling bee,

And if you rather we part ways then I'll set you free,

All I ever wanted was for the guy to decide if with me is where his heart wanted to be.

It would be nice to tell me the things on your mind,

Instead of me wondering and questing because you left our relationship status undefined,

All I ever wanted was a guy who was willing to give just a little of his time.

I'm not picky, it's the simple things to me that matter most,

All I ever wanted was a love that was all mine or well at least something close!

Well ladies, I don't have a story to tell today. This is exactly what I was going through and exactly what I wanted. Men, take note. Never forget to simply be there. Ask about her day or what's on her mind. Never forget to do those things that you started off doing in the beginning. Never get content. Keep dating even after years of dating and marriage. 

And then I came across this...

Mood: At Least (The Little Things) by Kelly Price

©2016. Kiara Giles. All Rights Reserved.

If A Man...

"Two things you'll never have to chase...true friends and true love!"


If A Man......

If a man wanted to be with you then he would

If he wanted to change for you then he could

If he wanted to love you he'll know a million reasons why he should.

If he wanted to talk to you then he would reach out

If you're the woman for him then he knows that in his heart without a doubt.

See if he wanted to spend time with you, dating you would come naturally

Showing you off and telling you how he felt would come easy

If he knew you were the one then being around you would put him at ease.

If a man wanted you to know what he thought of you he would tell you

You would never have to second guess your place in his world

Everybody in his life would know that you were his girl.

If this man wanted to spend the rest of his life with you then you would know

It wouldn't take years and years for him to propose.

He would wine and dine you like a man in love do

Send you flowers, plan trips, and randomly text out the blue.

See if you have to play games to get a man to see you or know your worth

Then maybe he's not the guy to share your time with here on earth.

When a man is ready to settle down he has the power to do so and not cheat

See when he's truly in love you'll be all the woman he needs

He wouldn't mess up where his heart truly wanted to be.

If a man wanted to love only you then you would feel it

He would reveal to you what lies within his spirit

He would show you just the man he could be and commit.

If a man was ready to be the man you needed and wanted him to be

He would admit everything in his heart, mind, body and soul to show you y'all reality

Satisfaction guaranteed.

Stop making excuses for what that man wouldn't or don't do

Maybe that man just didn't see himself with you.

See if a man wanted to be with you then he would

If a man wanted to change for you then he could

He would tell you a million reasons why he should.

I've been dumb before, young and naive. I've even questioned myself as a woman asking if it was me. Trying to figure out why I wasn't good enough. I've been in relationships and "situationships" that caused me to ask myself, "what I could have done better or what role did I play, how could I have changed to be the woman he wanted." But, as time goes on, I remind myself that maybe it wasn't me. Maybe he just didn't know who he was as a man or the things he wanted. Maybe I was too good for him and he wasn't ready to give me what I needed and what I deserve. At the end of the day, maybe I wasn't the woman for him and he wasn't the man for me. I do believe that if a man wanted to be with you, then he would show you his interest and pursue you.When a man wants you then you would be a priority and not an option. Ladies, myself included, we have to be patient. There's a man out there looking, praying and searching for us. A man willing to give us his all. And when the time is right, God will reveal that man to us.

See if a man wanted to be with you then he would

If a man wanted to change for you then he could

He would tell you a million reasons why he should.

©2016. Kiara Giles. All Rights Reserved.

My Love Too Good

Mood: A Woman's Worth by Alicia Keys.

My Love too Good...


My love to good to be misused,

And abused,

My love to good to be given away freely,

To someone who doesn't need it,

Who doesn't appreciate it,

But, yet mistreat it.

My love too good to be played with,

By a no good ass boy who didn't deserve it.

My love to good to be taken for granted,

Because you didn't understand it.

My love to good to be put on the back burner,

Because you're not man enough for one woman.

My love to good for me to be here trying to make this work by myself,

While you're out doing you and big kicking it with someone else.

My love to good for a confused ass boy like you,

You had my love and didn't know what to do,

So I'm over it, fuck you!

I knew it was too good to be true.

My love too good for you not to give a damn about me,

I can't make you open your eyes to what you been too blind to see,

Because you have no desire to give me what I need,

Or be the man I wanted you to be.

My love to good to be ignored,

You're not going to keep acting like my love doesn't exist,

Because your ass ain't shit.

My love to good for you not to be coming home every night,

When I decided to give you a chance I should've thought twice,

Because you got me questioning my worth wondering how did this become my life.

My love to good to stoop down to your level,

When I gave you all of me you should've been more careful.

Careful not to fuck it up,

But, your bad you're shit out of luck.

My love to good to sit around and wait,

For man who couldn't realize what he had before it was too late.

My love to good to even have to explain myself,

I will not prove my worth to you or anyone else.

At the end of the day,

There's nothing left to say.

Because my love to good,

For a no good boy like you!

Ladies, never let a man make you feel like you are not worthy. I am here to tell you now that you are beautiful, you are pretty enough, you are good enough. Never lower your standards for a boy, because a man will work twice as hard to reach your level and not bring you down to his. Always respect yourself and a man will respect you.
Men, pay attention to the things your woman says she needs and wants. Never make her feel less than good enough. Never bring down her self esteem. Never forget to put her first. The worse feeling for a woman is to feel like she is in love by herself.
For you both, always be positive. Be supportive. Give compliments when you see fit or just because. Always be open to listen. Never be afraid to admit the things on your mind and your heart. If there's a problem, fix it.
Sometimes we forget the simple things. Keep doing the little things that you did in the beginning to get the person.

And as for me, none of my ex's knew my worth. So, I am single because I will not settle. I refuse to settle.
"I'M NOT A ONE IN A MILLION KIND OF GIRL, I AM A ONCE IN A LIFETIME KIND OF WOMAN."

©2016. Kiara Giles. All Rights Reserved.

FREE

1 Peter 5:7, "Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you."

FREE

I just want to be free

Free from all the heartache and pain,

I don't want to be angry and bitter

I just want to authentically smile again.


I just want to be free 

Free from all the past oppression, 

I don't want to be mad all the time

I've realized every situation doesn't need a reaction.


I just want to be free 

Free from the hold hostility has over me,

I don't want to continue to be mean 

I just want to live my life in peace.


I just want to be free

I don't always mean to be rude,

I don't want to end up old and lonely

I just want to work on my attitude.


I just want to be free 

I promise I really do mean well,

I have a heart of gold 

But somewhere I fell under Satan's wrath spell.


I just want to be free 

I have to get well for my daughter, 

I don't want her to see the fury side of me 

She needs to remember all the amazingly pleasing things I've taught her.


I just want to be free 

I know I'm a good person and a great friend,

I'm don't want people to be afraid to be around me 

I'm choosing to put the wicked side of my personality to an end.


I just want to be free 

I don't like pushing those that love me away,

I'm tired on holding on to those that hurt me

I just need to take time to pray.


I just want to be free 

Lord, I ask that you help me,

Give me the things I need 

That'll allow me to break free,

Free from my unpleasant temper 

So me and those around me can be genuinely happy.

I just want to be free!

At some point in life you have to grow up. Maturity doesn't always come with age. But, as I've gotten older, I have learned that maturity comes with knowing, admitting and accepting your flaws. Maturity comes with knowing when it's okay to be quiet (every situation does not need a response). Maturity comes with knowing how to react to certain actions, meaning every action doesn't calls for a reaction out of you. See, I'm choosing to work on me. It is funny that everyone can tend to point out everyone else flaws and problems but their own. Me personally, I have my own issues. No time to worry about anyone else's. Most times the people with the least room to talk always has the most to say. But, I say that change starts with you. The only person that I am in competition with or trying to be better than is the one that is looking back at me when I look in the mirror. When I decided that I wanted to be genuinely happy, I decided to just let it all go. I know that my attitude is not the best and I am not always the nicest person, but I am owning it and I am willing to change it. There are things and people that has hurt me and I was holding on to that anger, still asking why and what if, but I forgive them and I am moving on. I am choosing to use my bitter to make myself better. The past will no longer hinder me. I'm making a pledge to change. At some point in life some things are no longer cute and other things don't really even matter anymore. At some point in life you have to grow up!

Job 17:9,"The righteous shall move onward and forward; those with pure hearts shall become stronger and stronger."

©2016. Kiara Giles. All Rights Reserved.

Co-Parents

1 Peter 4:8, "Above everything, love one another earnestly, because love covers over many sins."

Co-Parents

Life as a mom is not the way I imagined it would be,

I always wanted to come home to a family.

But regardless of the situation I love my daughter just the same,

And the friendship we have as co-parents still remain.

At the end of the the day our main focus is her,

No matter what we have going on personally

As parents, the both of us are always there.

Our daughter has two loving parents in her life,

Although we're in two different households she still hears both of our voices every night.

At the end of the day our main objective is always to do what's in the best interest for the child,

We have to put our differences aside

And do what's right because no disagreement should go un-reconciled.

We ensure that she never sees anything between us that's not pleasing,

All she knows is that mommy and daddy are happy and that she's the reason.

As friends we're mature enough to never bash the other parent to the kid,

Kids should never have to choose sides and be put in grown folks business.

We share responsibility of childcare, doctor appointments, food, clothes and the list goes on,

I'm lucky to share a child with a man who knows that no woman should have to do it alone.

No one wakes up and decides that they want to be just a baby mom or dad,

But life happens and it's best to just take the good with the bad.

Yea we had a child outside of marriage and this is not what I planned when I was pregnant,

But we made the best of the situation and we've became great  co-parents.

So many times, parents are bitter because the relationship didn't work out between the two of them and they tend to take that anger and frustration out on the child. I am here to tell you today that no matter the situation you must always remain cordial for the child. And if you have a co-parent that can't do that then you just need to let it go. If one parent doesn't care then why waste your time caring. No one should spend too must time and energy trying to make a parent do what they were supposed to be doing. Use that energy to love your child, to spend time with your child and to show your child that they do have one parent that is available, active and involved. No we are not perfect and I myself didn't sign up to be a "baby mom" but although I'm single and I know that I am not a single parent. Trust I've cried and I've tried, just as any other woman, I wanted it to work. I vowed to never have kids unless I was married and even now I am not having anymore without a ring. However, I am happy that knowing my child has two loving parents. I've learn to put her needs and wants before mine. Parents always think of the child. If I can move on and be happy and be the best of friends with my co-parent then so can you. But if you can't, just let it go. Don't let your child see you bitter. It's easier said than done, trust I know. At the end of the day just continue to do what's best for you and do what is best for your child. I know every situation is not ideal like mine, but you just have to take it for what it is, it's only so many times that you can try. Some people are just not cut out to be parents. So, be thankful for those grandparents, aunts, uncles, etc. that are around to help, love and support you. Keep being the best parent that you can be. Keep your head up and remember do what you can and let God do what you can't.

Love Always,
A Co-Parent

©2016. Kiara Giles. All Rights Reserved

Motherhood

Motherhood

Being a mother I have experienced some of the best and worse days of my life, sometimes I feel like I've done everything wrong then other times I think that I'm doing everything right, battling early mornings and late nights, wishing I could escape the responsibility and take flight, to a far away place out of sight.
Often times I feel like I've failed myself and my kid, trying to figure out how to hold my frustration in, wondering why she won't stop crying and if it's something that I did, trying to deal as my patience wear thin.
I love the days that we spend time, our mother-daughter dates, ice cream socials and reading books, I'm a sucker for her gentle hugs, sweet kisses, and innocent looks. She's made me laugh and she's made me cry, I've been irritated by her behavior and enlightened by her smile like a butterfly.
From my pregnancy until now, being a mother has brought me much joy and much pain, some times I feel like I'm going to go insane.
Many times she'll cry and hell I'll cry too, trying to figure out what's wrong isn't easy and I don't always know what to do, I'll admit that some things about parenting I haven't the slightest clue.
Thinking that I didn't sign up for this, the crying and the falling out y'all could've missed me with, all it does it cause pain to my frontalis.
But then I think about all the reasons I love being a mom, the times that makes me happy, like baking, shopping and putting on lip balm, when she tells me how much she loves me and that I'm the bomb, when she grabs me palm to palm and says she feels safe in my arms.
See if I had to do some of the worse days all over again, I would just to get the moments that I hold her in my hands.
I could do without the bad but those moments help me appreciate the good, I love all the ups and downs, the sicknesses, and the tantrums that comes along with motherhood, I never thought I could be a mother but the last two years has shown me that I could, and if I had to listen to the crying everyday just to continue being her mommy then I would, and if being a mom means that I could experience some of the best days of my life and indescribable feelings and unconditional love then I think I found my livelihood.

If you read this and judged me, then one of us aren't being honest! And I believe I just told my truth. How I feel makes me human, it makes me a parent. If you're a parent I'm sure you've been here. Parenting is not always easy and I know how frustrating it can get. But, as parents we have to take the good with the bad, right?  Don't feel bad for wanting or needing mommy moments or daddy days ALONE! We deserve them, for all the late night, early mornings, being the teacher, the doctor, the nurse, the friend, and the list goes on.

Dear Lord,
As parents we come to you as humble as we know how. I ask on behalf of myself and all of the  parents reading this that you shower us with patience. Lord, mold us and shape us into the parents that you need and want us to be. Bless our households. Continue to watch over and protect our children from all hurt, harm and pain. We don't know why you chose us to be parents but we're glad that you did. Thank you for your continuous grace and mercy. I ask that you give us the strength needed to continue to juggle all the duties that comes along with parenthood.
In Jesus name,
Amen!

©2016. Kiara Giles. All Rights Reserved.

Our Ja'Nae

I remember when there was a time that I couldn't have imagined being a mom, now being a mom is the one thing that I couldn't imagine not being. So, today I dedicate my blog to my baby, my only daughter Kaidence. This is the poem I wrote when I was planning her christening. Enjoy...

I never imagined having a kid but the day I felt you move, my motherly instincts instantly kicked in, and although you're from my womb, you are your dads twin. 

I never knew I could love someone more than I love myself until the day that I had you, the feeling is so amazing that having you seems too good to be true. 

You've changed my life in ways that I can't explain, seeing you smile at me reassures me that you were definitely worth all the aches and pains. 

I can't believe I actually considered aborting you, each day you give me something to look forward to. 

I wouldn't dare trade you for the world, you are my sweetheart and your dad's favorite girl. 

I've learned to love you more than life itself, just to have and hold you, I'll give up all the fame, fortune, and wealth, for you are my life and I'll give my last breath. 

I promise to help you, protect you, support and mold you, to build a bond that'll always connect us two. 

No matter what life throws your way, I'll always have your back at the end of the day, good or bad, right or wrong, mommy will know just what to say to take all of life's pains away, long as I'm alive, everything will be okay, and through it all, mommy and daddy love's you, our Kaidence Ja'Nae!

Being a mom is not the easiest job in the world, but it is the best job title that I've held thus far. This little girl changed my life in more ways than one, a mother's love is definitely something that can't be explained. If I could do it all over I would have never considered not having her. I don't know anybody else's situation as a parent but our children only get one mom or dad, so make the best of it. Enjoy it and cherish the moments you get with them. I may not be or mean anything to anyone else, but to Kaidy I am the best mom ever, and I'll take that because if I am nothing else, I know that I am just that, a damn good mother. I thank God everyday for choosing me to be her mom, I don't know why He did, but I am glad that He did and I promise to be the best mom that I can be for her and to her. 

Psalms 127:3,"Behold, children are a heritage from the LORD, the fruit of the womb a reward."

©2016. Kiara Giles. All Rights Reserved.

Love Has

Just because it's Friday, I decided to share with you my newest poem as of yesterday. No I do not speak for all women, but most women can relate. Being that we're emotional and more sensitive than men, we can over think every little thing while we're in "love." Let's just take a journey through relationships from most women perspectives...

Love Has...

Love has been too roller coaster with me, some nights it weighs heavy on my heart and mind causing me to lose sleep.

Love has been good and damn it's been fucking bad, it's made me show signs and reveal behaviors that I didn't even know I had.

Love has turned me into this over thinking, sensitive, jealous chick, got me feeling ways and wanting things that I didn't know exist, love will have you saying and doing some fucked up shit, wanting to know what he's doing, where he's at and who he's with?!

Love has given me gifts of perfume, diamonds and pearls,
Had men telling me I was the most beautiful woman in the world, only to turn around and find out I wasn't his only girl.

Love has caused us to sometimes turn a blind eye to shit we knew he did wrong, making excuses for everything he did outside the norm, telling people other females didn't mean anything because he always comes back home, love will make even the smartest man or woman look and sound dumb.

Love has given me my share of smiles, laughs and happy times, I've experienced a love that was all mine, had me thinking about forever and being together a longtime.

I've planned weddings, celebrated anniversaries, and took family photos all in my head, thinking that one day he would want more than the jewel between my legs, telling me he wanted to share more than just a bed; so, I knew we would eventually be more than just friends.

See love has made us see and believe in fairy tales, telling our family and friends that this one is different and what we have is rare.

Even after all that love has put me through, I still believe that one day I will experience my dreams coming true. Love has made me happy and its made me sad, it's shown me some good days and some bad.

There's been times when love had me shedding a few tears but for the most part love has been great to me over the years.

When it's all said and done you have to leave failed relationships in the past, and everything that you couldn't or wouldn't do, well love has...

Ladies, we have to just be patient and wait on the Lord. Eventually God will send our husbands to find us.
 Proverbs 18:22, "He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the lord."

©2016. Kiara Giles. All Rights Reserved.

I Surrender

Exodus 15:2, "The Lord is my strength and my defense; He has become my salvation. He is my God and I will praise Him; my father's God and I will exalt Him."

So, after feeling broken and not knowing what else to do, I did the only thing that was left to do and that was to let it go and let God...sometimes the only thing that you can do, when you can no longer stand is to fall on your knees and pray.

I Surrender.

Lord, I give it all to You.
I'm confused and I don't know what to do.
I need You, I cannot do it alone,
All hope is gone,
Where did my life go wrong?
Please forgive me for I have sinned,
I need You to cleanse me from within,
Although I feel lost, I can still win.
I will not let the devil defeat me,
No longer will I drown in self pity,
I'm choosing to get up and stand on my own two feet,
Things are not really as bad as they seem.
Tough times don't last, tough people do,
I've became stronger the minute I decided to live for You,
If You can bless Job a hundred times fold, You can do it for me too.
Worrying and stressing is now a thing of the past,
Because only what you do for Christ will last.
I can't give up now, I only need faith the size of a mustard seed,
So Lord I'm giving myself away and trusting You to use me.
Have Your will, have Your way,
I Surrender my all to You this day.

Often times, we try to do and figure everything out on our own and the truth is we can't and we need help. We need spiritual guidance. I learned that if I wanted God to bless me then I had to stop allowing the devil to answer my complaints. Instead of focusing on what I didn't have, I started to praise God for all the things that I did have. We tend to take life for granted, but we must realize that there is someone out there with bigger problems, wishing that they had the life and situations we complain about. Remember that when you don't know what else to do, turn to the one that loves you. Give it all over to Him and trust that things will be okay. He may not come when we want Him to, but He is always on time. Just when you are ready to give up, He will step in.

Isaiah 41:10, "So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."

©2016. Kiara Giles. All Rights Reserved.

Broken

Before the degree, the new job, the life you may think I have from the pictures you see on social media, I was down and I was lost. I was hurting. Trust, I've felt the struggle before and I know what it's like to go without. I didn't always have what I wanted but I was blessed to have what I needed but some days I was still defeated because I needed more! Well, lets just take a look....

BROKEN

I've been in this storm for awhile now, people keep telling me that God will make a way somehow.
Yet, I haven't seen anything change, but my storm getting heavier because it pours when it rains, my life is in vain, and all I feel is pain.
Faith is the things unseen, but visible or not, I no longer know what to believe.
I'm barely making ends meet, some days don't have food to eat, I can't pay my bills, can't buy my baby a meal.
It's been months since I paid my car note, the more time passes by the more I begin to lose all hope.
God said He would supply all my needs, yet I'm in need,  I'm beginning to think that He has forgotten about me.
I no longer attend church, and some days I don't pray,  I've said to God all that I could say, I used to feel like I would eventually be okay, but even that's hard to feel these days.
I'm lost, I'm hurting, and I'm afraid,
I try not to worry, but the stress just won't go away.
I'm financially, mentally, and spiritually broken, the pain in my heart is only half of what I've spoken.
Well, until next time, I'll keep trying this last lifeline, and when it's my time, I guess God will show me I'm next in line. 

If you've been broke, unemployed, past due on bills, etc I've been there too. But, it's not the end of the world! I know what it's like to cry myself to sleep, wishing, hoping and praying for things to be okay. And I agree that it definitely gets worse before it gets better; however, it does get better. Whatever you do, don't lose faith and don't give up on yourself! God will make a way for you.

Romans 8:28, "And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose."

©2016. Kiara Giles. All Rights Reserved.

It Wasn't Promised to Me

It Wasn't Promised to Me

The road to college graduation was rough,

Not always having the finances, working full time and being a new mom made it tough.

I had online classes but my computer and Internet wasn't always on my side,

Some assignments I missed and some I failed no matter how hard I tried,

Many days I didn't think I would ever finish college and just sat up and cried.

There were times when finishing a course was a struggle, because no matter what I was first a mother, and she needed more attention than any of it.

Yep, I definitely experienced long nights and early mornings, sitting in class falling asleep because the lecture was boring, but I had to keep reminding myself that the end result would be rewarding. 

I didn't always have money for books or to even pay for class; so, I sometimes prayed just to get a C so I could pass. 

I definitely couldn't afford to drop or retake not one course,

Hell the more classes I took and passed the faster me and college could divorce.

Then I could walk my ass across that stage and be free at last; so, essays, discussion boards and exams would be a thing of the past. 

So many times I wanted to call it quits, questioning what made me get myself into this, because all my other obligations and responsibilities were making me feel like I couldn't do it, especially those times when me or mainly my daughter was sick.

Sometimes I didn't think I wanted it bad enough but because of my daughter I couldn't give up.

I started the educational journey for me, but when I had her I knew I had to succeed, because having a career and not just a job was a part of my dream and I had to provide long term for my family.

And to think about how I put in years of hard work although I wasn't always dedicated, but I had done too much studying and homework to let it go to waste, so that last semester I worked hard and put on my game face, but it hurt knowing I couldn't afford to graduate!

Thank God for my mom and my child's father because they came through, because nothing could ever describe or take away that moment when Kaidy said, "Mommy, I'm proud of you!" 

As you can tell it definitely wasn't promised to me, and none of it came easy, but I vowed that graduation would be a day that both she and I would experience and see, so I made it by being the best mother, employee and student I could be!

Never stop dreaming, never stop believing. Sure, I wanted to give up but I didn't. No, college is not for everybody. But, if you want to go to college, then go for it. Getting an education is something that no one could ever take from you. Do it for yourself, do it for your kids. The accomplishment feels great. Who cares if you are a single parent, a divorced parent, a full time employee, a dropout, and the list goes on...you still have time to turn things around. Will it be easy, no. Worth it, absolutely!

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11

©2016. Kiara Giles. All Rights Reserved 

Sorry Ass Baby Daddy

Sometimes I like to have fun with my poetry! It's amazing how I can come up with things so fast. But, this one was inspired by a group conversation with my girls! Lol.

 SORRY ASS BABY DADDY!

Mommy's baby all the time, daddy's baby some days because this bastard is plain ole lazy!
He can't even fit the bill or even take time to buy my baby a meal.
His ass just sorry for no reason at all, go days, weeks, months without even calling.
 I just don't understand how you can put yourself on child support and don't even pay, like dude buying my child 2 pair of shoes for an entire school year is not okay.
We have a growing kid with needs, I need you to come up off some cash for football, baseball, and basketball fees!
And you're too old to still be out here calling yourself poor hustling, I'm the single parent but you're the one struggling!
You don't deserve to call yourself a dad, your child barely respects you and that's sad, you don't take care of your kids but you call yourself a man, you ought to be ashamed of yourself having to always tell your kid, well daddy will do what he can!
I can't believe I opened my legs for a guy like you, I should have known things were to good to be true.
After all the lies and the nights I cried, you still found time to do everything else but try.
Try to step up to the plate and take care of responsibility but you're to childish to grow up and face reality, with this child mentality, doing things out of spite trying to hurt me.
But, sorry bastard the jokes on you,  I have family and friends that's done more for your child than you could ever do.
In the end I'm all the parent he needs and then some, your sorry ass can gone on, you and the horse you rode in on because at the end of the day trust and believe I take good care of my son!
I'll continue to do this alone gladly, and keep this classy because you're not worth the trouble ole sorry ass baby daddy!

Many of you can probably relate, and I hate that for you! But, remember as mom or dad, always do what you can and what you can't, let God! Stay encouraged! I ask God daily to mold and shape me into the parent He needs me to be for my daughter! Never give up! Those little ones depend on you! Your kids love you through it all. Never let doing it alone define you! Continue to be the best mom and dad you can be!!!

©2016. Kiara Giles. All Rights Reserved.

My Reality

Nope, I never wanted kids; but, as a woman if I were to have them, of course I dreamed of how my pregnancy would go. For starters, I always planned to be married and then have kids. But, hey life happens. Anyway, maybe I watch too much television and read too many books because my pregnancy was nothing like what I saw and read about. I just knew my child’s father would be attentive and affectionate. He was always so kind and sweet, loving and caring as a person. But, when it came to my pregnancy, well yea not so much. I didn’t necessarily blame him for what he didn’t do, I blamed myself for expecting him to do it. Ladies, I’m sure while pregnant, you too wanted foot and back rubs, phone calls and texts to check on you, surprise meals, bubble baths, accompanied to doc appointments, etc. Maybe I was asking for too much because I didn’t get that!

Especially being that I was always so sick, I expected more concern and thoughtfulness from him. Hell, I was only carrying his child. My morning sickness and hormonal headaches were horrible. The numbness and swelling in my hands and feet were the worst. Then there was issues with my blood pressure that eventually caused me to have an emergency c-section at 37 weeks. Just about every pregnancy symptom that could occur, I think I experienced at least once.

But, thank God for my best friends and my family. They were at every doctor's appointment, went sat with me in emergency, helped planned my gender reveal and baby shower, etc. Nights I cried, they cried with me. Also, his mom was great. After meeting her, she called and texted frequently to check on us. It was great having her to welcome me and my baby with no judgment. He wasn’t the worst, but he definitely wasn’t the best, but I appreciate the times that him and/or his family was there. The crazy part is, before and after the pregnancy things between us were great. Maybe the whole pregnancy part of things were just not his thing, that part he doesn’t deal well with.

Ladies, I say all of this to say, make the best of your pregnancy. It is a happy time in life and you should enjoy it. If I could do one thing over when it comes to having my daughter, it would be to enjoy my pregnancy. I told you all in the last blog, I just about cried the entire 9 months. But, no matter the situation, regardless who is around or not, stay healthy for you and your baby. Take care of yourself for your baby. Love yourself and love your baby. Remember, you are not alone, God will always be with you through every step. So, honey flaunt your bump!

But, I did learn that Fantasy was certainly not…

My Reality

Don't take it personal, the things I have to say,
It's not your fault in anyway.
In all honesty it has nothing to do with you,
Just things I'm coping with and going through.
Somethings that I never thought would be,
This is not the way I planned and imagined my pregnancy.
I thought my child's father would be more caring,
More involved and more understanding.
Someone who would ask if I was okay,
And made sure I ate today.
Maybe rub my feet and my back,
But things are not quite happening like that.
However I have nothing bad to say about you,
I can't make anyone do anything they don't want to do,
If I invite you to a doc appointment, to show up is on you,
No we are not married nor are we together,
So I can understand if you feel like there are certain things you don't have to do.
I agree that your obligation is to your child and not me,
But until that child gets here you should care that we both remain healthy.
This is not because I want to be with you, it actually has nothing to do with you,
Just things I hoped for my child's father to do.
No one wants to be in this situation but I thank God cause it could be worse,
Life happened but it's not the end of the world.
And although I felt this was not for me,
I had to face the fact that I'm just a "baby mama"
That's my REALITY!

©2016. Kiara Giles. All Rights Reserved.

Unexpected Surprise

So in the last blog I mentioned how I had a daughter and how nothing or no one came before her! She is my world, my heart, my all in all, the air I breathe and all the love I need! She's perfect for me! But...I didn't always feel this way. I never wanted kids, hell I barely like kids. Kiara is not kid friendly. Lol. If someone would have told me I would be a mom, I would have laughed dead in their face. Of course as a woman, I always dreamed of getting married, traveling, the horse and carriage, the house and white picket fence, etc; however, I never saw a child in any of that.   

But, then I met this guy in 2011, we would flirt. That was my "husband/baby daddy," as he would call himself. We were cool, great friends. He was so supportive and encouraging. Always treated me respectfully. I would stay over and he wouldn't come on to me or try anything and for that I appreciated him more. We lost contact and then in 2013, I reached out and gave him my new number. Of course we hit it off as if no time had passed between us. After a few encounters and conversations, one thing led to another and then it just happened. He was really concerned about how I felt afterwards and even apologized thinking he came on too strong. But, like I told him I didn't do anything that I didn't want to do and I was grown. So, we agreed that from that night on we would use protection and I would get on birth control, so next time we would be prepared. He didn't want another kid and I didn't want any period. We were both fresh out of relationships and nothing was serious between us, so we definitely didn't need a baby. 

Well...next time never came. I was pregnant from the very first encounter. And man when I found out, I cried like my soul had been snatched from inside of me. And then I cried everyday after that until she was born. I didn't want a kid! I was still living at home, I hated my job, I was trying to finish college and I did NOT want to be a baby mom. I couldn't take care of a baby, hell I could barely take care of me. I considered abortion, even made an appointment twice but me being the type of person that I am, I couldn't do it. My back and forth with the decision to keep or abort my baby pushed him away and for awhile he became distant. He told me from the beginning that whatever decision I made he had my back but I was being selfish.  

Anyway, after I decided to keep her, he came around. But, trust it wasn't all great. I felt things with us could have been differently during my pregnancy but that's neither here nor there.
But, we had to face reality that we were having a baby. I wasn't ready but I figured I never would be ready. So, like adults we sucked it up and dealt with our
Unexpected Surprise...

A night of passion
Because of a sexual attraction
That leads to love making with no protection
Leaving the female with an unwanted belly
Confusion
Surprise
The results couldn't be mine
This was not what they intended
It was just two friends who decided to be intimate
Nothing more than a night well spent
No dates, no ring, no flings in between
Sex came easy, hell we are no longer sixteen
But the consequences of our actions were unforeseen
Until the time came & a baby intervened
The results were very unexpected
Both mother and father objected
She can't be pregnant, her cycle just hasn't come yet
If this is true
What do we do
Neither of us want a baby & now he has two
You didn't sign up to be a mother
You and him don't even want each other
Let along a child with one another
How did y'all end up in this situation
Do you keep or abort the creation
Mad because you participated in an act that lead to procreation
& Now the two of you have a baby
You learn how to deal
This is for real
No need for the you to keep crying tears
Get over your fears
It has happened and there's nothing you can do
Because in a few months it's no longer about you
Until you heard your baby heartbeat
You still felt slight defeat
But now you're anxious for you two to meet
Because God blessed you with this offspring
Thank Him, let it go and move on
Because sooner than later you'll bring your most precious gift from God home.

©2016. Kiara Giles. All Rights Reserved

Boy Bye

I’ve decided to lighten the mood from the previous two blogs and give you insight into my life as I get back out into the world of dating. OMG, dating is hard. Lol. Either there is a shortage of decent men or I be out at the wrong places, at the wrong times. I don’t remember dating being this difficult, oh wait, I do! Hence, I’m still single. But, I thought I was ready after being single for about 4 years now or so. Then again, I don’t know because I cannot take any of these dudes serious. I tell my daughter’s dad he should just marry me and take me out this misery because starting over is for the bird’s lol (But, I’ll save that story for another blog).

Okay, so I’ve met some not so good dudes. But, this one guy took the cake. Off top he was showing me red flags. The day I gave him my number he was like you want me to save your number as “bae or wifey,” uhm try neither! My name is Kiara. In my head, I’m thinking dude I just met you. About 2 days later, he suggested that we chill. His words were, “I have some wine and a movie and I am only missing you.” I politely told him that I was not a Netflix and chill type of chick and especially not for a first date.

Let’s fast forward to the weekend. By now, he is adamant about us meeting up and he was blowing my phone up via texts and calls. He was wanting to know my every move. Last I checked, I was grown and he didn’t have any kids, but if he did I wasn’t one of them. Hell, my own dad can't even question me! Don’t get me wrong, I love attention and affection but the wrong kind could get you hurt. He just made me feel like if I were to give him a chance, he would be “stalker-ish.” He came off as controlling and possessive. I feel as if a man want to know where you are, what you’re doing, who you’re with, how long you’re going to be, etc. every other minute and you all are not married then he is suspect. His ass may be crazy. I’ve seen too many women end up missing and I can’t take those chances. I don’t know but I do know that I didn’t trust it. He lost all points when he was rushing me to meet him after I told him I was uniform and school supply shopping for my baby. Like dude, you do NOT come before my child, I’ll be however long I’m going to be!

During this process, I have learned to love me and to date me. My daughter and I have mother-daughter outings quite often and I enjoy it. I pray to God that I am content and happy in my singleness. I’m learning to be okay with it being just my daughter and I from here on out. All I can do is patiently wait on God to pair me with my husband and if that day never comes, I’m good with dating me. I choose me!

So after about a week, I couldn’t take dude seriously. I started to wonder and ask myself why, and this is what I came up with…

BOY BYE ✌🏾️✌🏾

I met this dude, I kept telling him that I'm not the one for you,

I don't mean to be rude, but I'm very close to catching an attitude.

He blows up my phone, questioning if or when I'll be home,

You're not my man but when I ignore you I'm wrong, just leave me alone!

I hate for a dude to police me, like dude I'm grown, let me be,

You're just dumb or to blind to see, that your texts and calls are bothering me.

And I'm ignoring you for a reason, this is not our season.

Take the hint and stop blowing me up, it doesn't mean to text me if you call and I don't pick up.

Take the hint and call it quits!

I've never met a dude so into me, after 2 days you were in too deep,

And that was starting to scare me.

You come off as controlling or possessive, I'm not trying to be caught up in that obsession,

Your contacting me is a bit excessive, and would I prefer less of it.

I don't want a man that clingy, those the ones that end up crazy,

And that's not my cup of tea.

Honestly you're on my damn nerves, like nigga swerve!

Sorry if you take this wrong, but damn just stop contacting my phone,

It's over, I'm done!

It was nice of you to try 

But...BOY BYE!


©2016. Kiara Giles. All Rights Reserved 

Trying to Find My Way

Many of you may be wondering how this blog came about or what made me decide to tell my story...

Well, I am in a phase that most adults go through but will never openly admit. I am at that point where we begin to wonder, "what's next for me?" And for me, it has been the worse feeling ever to not know who you are and what it is you want.

Recently, May 2016, I graduated college and although I should probably still be celebrating my accomplishment, all I can think about is if I went to school for nothing. I'm not sure that I even want to use the Health care degree and stay in this field. Don't get me wrong, I love my job, but I don't think it's my career or where I'll retire from. So, I asked myself, "Kiara, what is it that you enjoy doing, what do you love, where does your passion lie?," and all I could think of was writing.

Which then led me to consider a master's degree in English or Journalism; yet, that's still undecided. I started to research online options for posting and submitting my poetry for contests, publishers, greeting cards, etc., but I kept coming up empty. Ole faithful Facebook came through for me though. I posted a status to see if anyone could assist me in figuring out what I could do with my poetry and well, a friend of a friend reached out and here I am.

I still don't know what's next for me and nothing is set in stone for my future, but I will tell you like I keep telling myself, never be afraid to admit that you are lost and confused! Many of us are too scared to say that we need time to figure our lives out because of the opinions of everyone around us. Often times many adults stay in relationships, are miserable at jobs for years, never divorce an agonizing marriage, never go back to school, etc. all because they're afraid of being judged and ridiculed. But, honey your destiny and desires are in the hands of you and God.

I'll be the first to openly and honestly say that...

I'm just trying to find my way, while I keep telling myself that things are okay.
Some days I feel as if I no longer know who I am, I got lost a long the way and my hopes and dreams are no where to be found and all the things I thought I wanted are no longer around.
I'll admit that I am confused and don't really know what to do.
 I just want to figure out my life and do what's right.
I'm praying for guidance and direction, just patiently waiting on a blessing.
I know it's not all as bad as it seems, but I'm fighting to release the more that lies inside of me.
 I don't want to sound ungrateful because my life has been worse, some days life can be a gift and others a curse.
I'm thankful for my current situation and deep down I believe this is not my final destination.
I have accomplished some things for me and  proud to say I earned a degree but life after college is not all its hyped up to be.
I just want to be happy and content later down the line, to safely say that my child and I are well taken care of and living fine.
My life is no longer about me, I now have a daughter that's my first priority.
I wish to help life for her easier as she grows up and work to make all her dreams come true, I never want her to have to experience some of the struggles that I survived through.
I believe that life will get better, I won't be stuck here forever.
Dear Lord,
I won't complain, my life has since changed, situations and circumstances are no longer the same, and life as I now know it won't remain because lord I know the day is coming that you'll give me peace and hope that will allow me to dance in the rain.
Signed, the girl that's healing from the pain!

©2016. Kiara Giles. All Rights Reserved.

Kiara as a Poetry Writer

Writing for me isn't just a hobby! Writing is something that I love, something that I enjoy, something that I'm passionate about and something that I'm just good at! I'm no author nor am I a perfect writer or editor,  but I just love to write. Writing for me is a stress reliever. It is an outlet that I use to express my feelings, my thoughts, my fears, my concerns, my highs and my lows.

I never imagined or thought to be some big time author or name for fame or wealth.  I just want to write. And if my writing can help a person in need then I am okay with that. I intend to inspire, to encourage and to reach those in similar situations. Rather it be the single mom struggling to be mommy while working and going to college, the unemployed looking for work or the girl who wants a family and to not just coparent; I get it, I've been there! I want to be relatable. I want to be honest and true. I speak from my heart and I speak with love.

I'm just regular ole Kiara, trying to find my way
Searching within for the right words to say
To handle the ups and downs life sends each day
Praying for and expecting better days
Listening to music to help soothe the brain
Trying to relax and hide the aches and pains
Thinking about how it pours when it rains
But realizing sometimes it's all about playing the game
And knowing when it's okay to change
Instead of trying to find something or someone to blame
But everything is not meant to remain
And one day we have to face reality that things aren't the same
That's when we grow up and realize the sun will come out again!