My Reality

Nope, I never wanted kids; but, as a woman if I were to have them, of course I dreamed of how my pregnancy would go. For starters, I always planned to be married and then have kids. But, hey life happens. Anyway, maybe I watch too much television and read too many books because my pregnancy was nothing like what I saw and read about. I just knew my child’s father would be attentive and affectionate. He was always so kind and sweet, loving and caring as a person. But, when it came to my pregnancy, well yea not so much. I didn’t necessarily blame him for what he didn’t do, I blamed myself for expecting him to do it. Ladies, I’m sure while pregnant, you too wanted foot and back rubs, phone calls and texts to check on you, surprise meals, bubble baths, accompanied to doc appointments, etc. Maybe I was asking for too much because I didn’t get that!

Especially being that I was always so sick, I expected more concern and thoughtfulness from him. Hell, I was only carrying his child. My morning sickness and hormonal headaches were horrible. The numbness and swelling in my hands and feet were the worst. Then there was issues with my blood pressure that eventually caused me to have an emergency c-section at 37 weeks. Just about every pregnancy symptom that could occur, I think I experienced at least once.

But, thank God for my best friends and my family. They were at every doctor's appointment, went sat with me in emergency, helped planned my gender reveal and baby shower, etc. Nights I cried, they cried with me. Also, his mom was great. After meeting her, she called and texted frequently to check on us. It was great having her to welcome me and my baby with no judgment. He wasn’t the worst, but he definitely wasn’t the best, but I appreciate the times that him and/or his family was there. The crazy part is, before and after the pregnancy things between us were great. Maybe the whole pregnancy part of things were just not his thing, that part he doesn’t deal well with.

Ladies, I say all of this to say, make the best of your pregnancy. It is a happy time in life and you should enjoy it. If I could do one thing over when it comes to having my daughter, it would be to enjoy my pregnancy. I told you all in the last blog, I just about cried the entire 9 months. But, no matter the situation, regardless who is around or not, stay healthy for you and your baby. Take care of yourself for your baby. Love yourself and love your baby. Remember, you are not alone, God will always be with you through every step. So, honey flaunt your bump!

But, I did learn that Fantasy was certainly not…

My Reality

Don't take it personal, the things I have to say,
It's not your fault in anyway.
In all honesty it has nothing to do with you,
Just things I'm coping with and going through.
Somethings that I never thought would be,
This is not the way I planned and imagined my pregnancy.
I thought my child's father would be more caring,
More involved and more understanding.
Someone who would ask if I was okay,
And made sure I ate today.
Maybe rub my feet and my back,
But things are not quite happening like that.
However I have nothing bad to say about you,
I can't make anyone do anything they don't want to do,
If I invite you to a doc appointment, to show up is on you,
No we are not married nor are we together,
So I can understand if you feel like there are certain things you don't have to do.
I agree that your obligation is to your child and not me,
But until that child gets here you should care that we both remain healthy.
This is not because I want to be with you, it actually has nothing to do with you,
Just things I hoped for my child's father to do.
No one wants to be in this situation but I thank God cause it could be worse,
Life happened but it's not the end of the world.
And although I felt this was not for me,
I had to face the fact that I'm just a "baby mama"
That's my REALITY!

©2016. Kiara Giles. All Rights Reserved.