Trying to Find My Way

Many of you may be wondering how this blog came about or what made me decide to tell my story...

Well, I am in a phase that most adults go through but will never openly admit. I am at that point where we begin to wonder, "what's next for me?" And for me, it has been the worse feeling ever to not know who you are and what it is you want.

Recently, May 2016, I graduated college and although I should probably still be celebrating my accomplishment, all I can think about is if I went to school for nothing. I'm not sure that I even want to use the Health care degree and stay in this field. Don't get me wrong, I love my job, but I don't think it's my career or where I'll retire from. So, I asked myself, "Kiara, what is it that you enjoy doing, what do you love, where does your passion lie?," and all I could think of was writing.

Which then led me to consider a master's degree in English or Journalism; yet, that's still undecided. I started to research online options for posting and submitting my poetry for contests, publishers, greeting cards, etc., but I kept coming up empty. Ole faithful Facebook came through for me though. I posted a status to see if anyone could assist me in figuring out what I could do with my poetry and well, a friend of a friend reached out and here I am.

I still don't know what's next for me and nothing is set in stone for my future, but I will tell you like I keep telling myself, never be afraid to admit that you are lost and confused! Many of us are too scared to say that we need time to figure our lives out because of the opinions of everyone around us. Often times many adults stay in relationships, are miserable at jobs for years, never divorce an agonizing marriage, never go back to school, etc. all because they're afraid of being judged and ridiculed. But, honey your destiny and desires are in the hands of you and God.

I'll be the first to openly and honestly say that...

I'm just trying to find my way, while I keep telling myself that things are okay.
Some days I feel as if I no longer know who I am, I got lost a long the way and my hopes and dreams are no where to be found and all the things I thought I wanted are no longer around.
I'll admit that I am confused and don't really know what to do.
 I just want to figure out my life and do what's right.
I'm praying for guidance and direction, just patiently waiting on a blessing.
I know it's not all as bad as it seems, but I'm fighting to release the more that lies inside of me.
 I don't want to sound ungrateful because my life has been worse, some days life can be a gift and others a curse.
I'm thankful for my current situation and deep down I believe this is not my final destination.
I have accomplished some things for me and  proud to say I earned a degree but life after college is not all its hyped up to be.
I just want to be happy and content later down the line, to safely say that my child and I are well taken care of and living fine.
My life is no longer about me, I now have a daughter that's my first priority.
I wish to help life for her easier as she grows up and work to make all her dreams come true, I never want her to have to experience some of the struggles that I survived through.
I believe that life will get better, I won't be stuck here forever.
Dear Lord,
I won't complain, my life has since changed, situations and circumstances are no longer the same, and life as I now know it won't remain because lord I know the day is coming that you'll give me peace and hope that will allow me to dance in the rain.
Signed, the girl that's healing from the pain!

©2016. Kiara Giles. All Rights Reserved.