Boy Bye

I’ve decided to lighten the mood from the previous two blogs and give you insight into my life as I get back out into the world of dating. OMG, dating is hard. Lol. Either there is a shortage of decent men or I be out at the wrong places, at the wrong times. I don’t remember dating being this difficult, oh wait, I do! Hence, I’m still single. But, I thought I was ready after being single for about 4 years now or so. Then again, I don’t know because I cannot take any of these dudes serious. I tell my daughter’s dad he should just marry me and take me out this misery because starting over is for the bird’s lol (But, I’ll save that story for another blog).

Okay, so I’ve met some not so good dudes. But, this one guy took the cake. Off top he was showing me red flags. The day I gave him my number he was like you want me to save your number as “bae or wifey,” uhm try neither! My name is Kiara. In my head, I’m thinking dude I just met you. About 2 days later, he suggested that we chill. His words were, “I have some wine and a movie and I am only missing you.” I politely told him that I was not a Netflix and chill type of chick and especially not for a first date.

Let’s fast forward to the weekend. By now, he is adamant about us meeting up and he was blowing my phone up via texts and calls. He was wanting to know my every move. Last I checked, I was grown and he didn’t have any kids, but if he did I wasn’t one of them. Hell, my own dad can't even question me! Don’t get me wrong, I love attention and affection but the wrong kind could get you hurt. He just made me feel like if I were to give him a chance, he would be “stalker-ish.” He came off as controlling and possessive. I feel as if a man want to know where you are, what you’re doing, who you’re with, how long you’re going to be, etc. every other minute and you all are not married then he is suspect. His ass may be crazy. I’ve seen too many women end up missing and I can’t take those chances. I don’t know but I do know that I didn’t trust it. He lost all points when he was rushing me to meet him after I told him I was uniform and school supply shopping for my baby. Like dude, you do NOT come before my child, I’ll be however long I’m going to be!

During this process, I have learned to love me and to date me. My daughter and I have mother-daughter outings quite often and I enjoy it. I pray to God that I am content and happy in my singleness. I’m learning to be okay with it being just my daughter and I from here on out. All I can do is patiently wait on God to pair me with my husband and if that day never comes, I’m good with dating me. I choose me!

So after about a week, I couldn’t take dude seriously. I started to wonder and ask myself why, and this is what I came up with…

BOY BYE ✌🏾️✌🏾

I met this dude, I kept telling him that I'm not the one for you,

I don't mean to be rude, but I'm very close to catching an attitude.

He blows up my phone, questioning if or when I'll be home,

You're not my man but when I ignore you I'm wrong, just leave me alone!

I hate for a dude to police me, like dude I'm grown, let me be,

You're just dumb or to blind to see, that your texts and calls are bothering me.

And I'm ignoring you for a reason, this is not our season.

Take the hint and stop blowing me up, it doesn't mean to text me if you call and I don't pick up.

Take the hint and call it quits!

I've never met a dude so into me, after 2 days you were in too deep,

And that was starting to scare me.

You come off as controlling or possessive, I'm not trying to be caught up in that obsession,

Your contacting me is a bit excessive, and would I prefer less of it.

I don't want a man that clingy, those the ones that end up crazy,

And that's not my cup of tea.

Honestly you're on my damn nerves, like nigga swerve!

Sorry if you take this wrong, but damn just stop contacting my phone,

It's over, I'm done!

It was nice of you to try 

But...BOY BYE!


©2016. Kiara Giles. All Rights Reserved 

Trying to Find My Way

Many of you may be wondering how this blog came about or what made me decide to tell my story...

Well, I am in a phase that most adults go through but will never openly admit. I am at that point where we begin to wonder, "what's next for me?" And for me, it has been the worse feeling ever to not know who you are and what it is you want.

Recently, May 2016, I graduated college and although I should probably still be celebrating my accomplishment, all I can think about is if I went to school for nothing. I'm not sure that I even want to use the Health care degree and stay in this field. Don't get me wrong, I love my job, but I don't think it's my career or where I'll retire from. So, I asked myself, "Kiara, what is it that you enjoy doing, what do you love, where does your passion lie?," and all I could think of was writing.

Which then led me to consider a master's degree in English or Journalism; yet, that's still undecided. I started to research online options for posting and submitting my poetry for contests, publishers, greeting cards, etc., but I kept coming up empty. Ole faithful Facebook came through for me though. I posted a status to see if anyone could assist me in figuring out what I could do with my poetry and well, a friend of a friend reached out and here I am.

I still don't know what's next for me and nothing is set in stone for my future, but I will tell you like I keep telling myself, never be afraid to admit that you are lost and confused! Many of us are too scared to say that we need time to figure our lives out because of the opinions of everyone around us. Often times many adults stay in relationships, are miserable at jobs for years, never divorce an agonizing marriage, never go back to school, etc. all because they're afraid of being judged and ridiculed. But, honey your destiny and desires are in the hands of you and God.

I'll be the first to openly and honestly say that...

I'm just trying to find my way, while I keep telling myself that things are okay.
Some days I feel as if I no longer know who I am, I got lost a long the way and my hopes and dreams are no where to be found and all the things I thought I wanted are no longer around.
I'll admit that I am confused and don't really know what to do.
 I just want to figure out my life and do what's right.
I'm praying for guidance and direction, just patiently waiting on a blessing.
I know it's not all as bad as it seems, but I'm fighting to release the more that lies inside of me.
 I don't want to sound ungrateful because my life has been worse, some days life can be a gift and others a curse.
I'm thankful for my current situation and deep down I believe this is not my final destination.
I have accomplished some things for me and  proud to say I earned a degree but life after college is not all its hyped up to be.
I just want to be happy and content later down the line, to safely say that my child and I are well taken care of and living fine.
My life is no longer about me, I now have a daughter that's my first priority.
I wish to help life for her easier as she grows up and work to make all her dreams come true, I never want her to have to experience some of the struggles that I survived through.
I believe that life will get better, I won't be stuck here forever.
Dear Lord,
I won't complain, my life has since changed, situations and circumstances are no longer the same, and life as I now know it won't remain because lord I know the day is coming that you'll give me peace and hope that will allow me to dance in the rain.
Signed, the girl that's healing from the pain!

©2016. Kiara Giles. All Rights Reserved.

Kiara as a Poetry Writer

Writing for me isn't just a hobby! Writing is something that I love, something that I enjoy, something that I'm passionate about and something that I'm just good at! I'm no author nor am I a perfect writer or editor,  but I just love to write. Writing for me is a stress reliever. It is an outlet that I use to express my feelings, my thoughts, my fears, my concerns, my highs and my lows.

I never imagined or thought to be some big time author or name for fame or wealth.  I just want to write. And if my writing can help a person in need then I am okay with that. I intend to inspire, to encourage and to reach those in similar situations. Rather it be the single mom struggling to be mommy while working and going to college, the unemployed looking for work or the girl who wants a family and to not just coparent; I get it, I've been there! I want to be relatable. I want to be honest and true. I speak from my heart and I speak with love.

I'm just regular ole Kiara, trying to find my way
Searching within for the right words to say
To handle the ups and downs life sends each day
Praying for and expecting better days
Listening to music to help soothe the brain
Trying to relax and hide the aches and pains
Thinking about how it pours when it rains
But realizing sometimes it's all about playing the game
And knowing when it's okay to change
Instead of trying to find something or someone to blame
But everything is not meant to remain
And one day we have to face reality that things aren't the same
That's when we grow up and realize the sun will come out again!